Post by scott on Sept 16, 2010 14:07:42 GMT -5
That night we packed up from my small childhood home and for some reason i knew i wouldnt return. It seemed Carl did to as he took his only three possesions he couldnt live without his lazy boy recliner so worn that the fluff popped out of several places, his Kureig coffee machine and a picture of my mother reclined on a lawn chair in a short white dress. I took nothing. There was nothing holding me material wise to that place what did hold me was that little boy who knew this was the last place he'd seen his mom. I turned though with my hand in Jackie's toward the bus as Carl bragged about the deal he'd gotten us. A few of my friends Randal, Chris and Luke looked as hazy as i did. Their girlfriends along with Kyle my drummer looked on dissaprovingly.
I sat by the window as i watched my house disappear into the distance. I felt three squeezes on my hand a silent secret way me and Jackie said i love you when the words wouldnt come. I put my head on her shoulder as the nineteen year old in me receeded with the bus. I knew i was becoming a man i had been for sometime, i knew i would be big and isnt that what i had always wanted because maybe if my mom was out there she would see me and know i was worth something. I couldnt shake the feeling of terror though as i knew that everything in my world would change. I wondered if my band KrazyKarma felt the same but i knew they had wanted this maybe more then me. All i saw on their faces was anticipation, excitement and contentment.
I didnt know that after touring for four years it would all be over and gradually i would lose that girl beside me even before she was taken. I had dreams of having both her and having people hear what i had to say. As the bus began to darken and the rain pattered the window i sighed. I listened to the silence surronding us i could hear Carl snoring and Luke's too loud disc man. I looked over at Jackie and kissed her deeply she responded kissing back before she fell asleep in my arms. I wish i could go back to then and turn the bus around. Not so much because i regret where i ended up but because i wanted to save her.
We drove all through the night until we arrived at our first venue. Kyle pulled me aside while the others tuned their instraments and asked if i was going to be okay. He like Jackie knew what leaving my home meant to me. I told him it was just a stupid house and that i would be fine. I'd had thirteen years after all to get over that bitch leaving me and if anything this all would be good for me. He nodded but you could tell from his eyes that he didnt believe me. I went with the others tuning up my guitar while looking at Jackie tuning up her base and remembered how lucky i was.
I looked at Randal and Luke's girlfriends sitting on various amplifiers. I took pride in the fact that my girlfriend was so awesome that she was actually in the band and not a groupie. When we were all tuned we practiced a few songs and met some of the local up and comers. It felt weird to hear men i'd never met before some twice my age say they loved my work and were honored to meet me. I was somewhat star struck getting this sort of noteriety at nineteen. Sure the others played the instraments but i carefully constructed the lyrics. They werent fluff either they meant something each and everyone of them.
That night i was introduced to white. I'd heard of it of course who hadnt in the grunge age but i'd never tried it. DougieDanger a cheesey lead singer from one of the other groups invited me into his bus where he presented it to me. He told me the pills i'd been doing were for amateurs and that not that i was running with the big boys that i should party like one too. Jackie had gone to sleep early tired from traveling and i often wonder if i had gone to sleep with her would i have walked down the same road. Yet we cant change the past and when Dougie made me up a line i didnt refuse.
I sat by the window as i watched my house disappear into the distance. I felt three squeezes on my hand a silent secret way me and Jackie said i love you when the words wouldnt come. I put my head on her shoulder as the nineteen year old in me receeded with the bus. I knew i was becoming a man i had been for sometime, i knew i would be big and isnt that what i had always wanted because maybe if my mom was out there she would see me and know i was worth something. I couldnt shake the feeling of terror though as i knew that everything in my world would change. I wondered if my band KrazyKarma felt the same but i knew they had wanted this maybe more then me. All i saw on their faces was anticipation, excitement and contentment.
I didnt know that after touring for four years it would all be over and gradually i would lose that girl beside me even before she was taken. I had dreams of having both her and having people hear what i had to say. As the bus began to darken and the rain pattered the window i sighed. I listened to the silence surronding us i could hear Carl snoring and Luke's too loud disc man. I looked over at Jackie and kissed her deeply she responded kissing back before she fell asleep in my arms. I wish i could go back to then and turn the bus around. Not so much because i regret where i ended up but because i wanted to save her.
We drove all through the night until we arrived at our first venue. Kyle pulled me aside while the others tuned their instraments and asked if i was going to be okay. He like Jackie knew what leaving my home meant to me. I told him it was just a stupid house and that i would be fine. I'd had thirteen years after all to get over that bitch leaving me and if anything this all would be good for me. He nodded but you could tell from his eyes that he didnt believe me. I went with the others tuning up my guitar while looking at Jackie tuning up her base and remembered how lucky i was.
I looked at Randal and Luke's girlfriends sitting on various amplifiers. I took pride in the fact that my girlfriend was so awesome that she was actually in the band and not a groupie. When we were all tuned we practiced a few songs and met some of the local up and comers. It felt weird to hear men i'd never met before some twice my age say they loved my work and were honored to meet me. I was somewhat star struck getting this sort of noteriety at nineteen. Sure the others played the instraments but i carefully constructed the lyrics. They werent fluff either they meant something each and everyone of them.
That night i was introduced to white. I'd heard of it of course who hadnt in the grunge age but i'd never tried it. DougieDanger a cheesey lead singer from one of the other groups invited me into his bus where he presented it to me. He told me the pills i'd been doing were for amateurs and that not that i was running with the big boys that i should party like one too. Jackie had gone to sleep early tired from traveling and i often wonder if i had gone to sleep with her would i have walked down the same road. Yet we cant change the past and when Dougie made me up a line i didnt refuse.